All posts filed under: Thoughts & Views

Back to School ‘Feels’

Tomorrow begins another school year for many students in the Philippines. The other day, I went to a nearby book store and saw a couple of students shopping for school supplies parents and friends. Having seen such a scene, I could not help but reminisce the good old days. School was the most important thing to me as kid, perhaps because I was always number one in class. No wonder, first day of school really mattered to me. Since I was really competitive, I saw it as an opportunity to make really good impressions and let my teachers and classmates know how serious I was with academics. Of course, school supplies also meant a lot to me. They some of the most essential tools I needed as I aimed for excellence. My parents knew this so well, especially my father. Despite his busy schedule, he would always find time to accompany me to the mall to do some shopping. He was also aware of how picky I was. I wanted nice-looking notebooks made from quality paper, …

Being Joyful and Giving Others the Gift of Joy

I ran away from home three days before the Christmas of 2013. Things were already getting worse then and even the holidays weren’t enough reason for me to stay any longer. While hurriedly carrying my stuff out of the house, I could not help but worry about spending Christmas alone for the very first time in my life. The idea killed me deep inside, since I had always looked forward to spending those special days with my family. But that didn’t happen, thanks to the amazing people who just wouldn’t allow me to spend the holidays drowning in tears. They made sure that I would still feel loved and happy even though I wasn’t with my family and I am forever thankful for their kindness. Such a situation taught me to be sensitive during the holiday season. Here in the Philippines, Christmas celebrations are usually about the family. People are expected to come home and spend time with their families. In fact, many post greetings like, “Merry Christmas to my family to yours.” How about those who can’t …

Oh, Frustrations

The semester is ending soon and here I am, still clueless on how to catch up with all the unread book chapters and unwritten academic papers. Anyone who has known me for a long time would probably think that it’s so not me, for I have always been a diligent student. I never missed a deadline as an undergrad; my friends lauded my willpower to finish school requirements (even with flying colors), despite the fact that I had to juggle studies with multiple part-time jobs. So what has been happening these days? Is the old me gone? Is my job security and the promise that I’ll get to eat and pay the bills no matter how I suck at school making me feel somehow complacent, to the point that grad school no longer seem to matter a lot? Am I unafraid to fuck up this time because life has been okay and it will be even without a master’s degree? Maybe yes and maybe no. Maybe yes, because unlike before, I no longer feel the fear of starving to …

Your Memory Will Carry On

My Chemical Romance’s The Black Parade album was released in 2006, the same year my father died. I first learned about the album weeks after his death. A close friend of mine made me listen to “Cancer” which, according to him, always reminded him of his mom who had died a long time ago. For obvious reasons, I liked the song a lot. I listened to it over and over, Googled and memorized its lyrics, and owned it as though it were written especially for me. I didn’t even care what it was about, or what how its creators wanted it to be understood. Freely, I dissected the song, took its lines apart, and used each of them to fill the gaps I was trying to deal with. There were also times when I thought these lines contained messages from my father who died unexpectedly, unable to utter even a single word to me before breathing his last. No wonder, the line that goes, “Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you,” resonated in …